Motorcycling? It’s probably not for you

‘At present, the Government has no policy to encourage the greater use of motorcycles.’

Last week’s rejection by the Department for Transport of proposals to allow bikes in all bus lanes shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise. Government and local authorities have agreed with your mum for many years now that motorcycles are bad things, motorcyclists are bad men (the idea that women ride motorcycles doesn’t figure in their Sons of Anarchy motorcycle fantasy world) and even just mentioning the word motorcycle increases the chance of your head coming off by 75 per cent.

It doesn’t matter that motorcycles are the most obvious flipping answer to the majority of the planet’s personal transport problems. Congestion, journey times, parking space, potholes, emissions and reducing deaths/injuries of innocent pedestrians – you name it, biking probably solves it. Most people in power seem incapable of looking beyond the cliched ‘biker’ movies they watched in the 1980s, hoping for a glance of a nipple. Plus, their repressed jealousy when a scooter flashes past them on the way to work while they sit in a(nother) endless queue.

As riders that confuses us because we don’t see ourselves as ‘bikers’ and nor does anyone else. I’m a biochemist-turned journalist that happens to ride a bike. In the same way my mate Graham is a railway engineer who rides a GSX-R and another mate Steve is a supplier of fine wines with an R1200GS in the driveway. As a group we are as varied and hard-to-pigeonhole as white-goods users. Maybe there is a chapter of ‘Sons of Indesit’ raising havoc in the Grantham branch of Currys every Sunday. Maybe they discuss freezer capacity and defrost times loudly, using unchristian language while leaving the doors slightly open in an act of flagrant rebellion.

Who knows? We should at least be thankful that motorcyclists aren’t as universally disliked as cyclists, but we should also question how it is that the pedal-pushers get all the Government loving and infrastructure while we get the door…again.

I should say here that I'm not anti-cycling - it's my second favourite form of transport. But I’ve been in meetings with MPs and the Cycling Lobby and it’s fascinating how the moment that cycling standards are mentioned, the lycra-lobby go aggressively on the attack, blaming everyone else for their problems, using the ‘but…children ride bikes to school’ argument to repeatedly argue against any kind of need for cyclists to take responsibility, while loudly demanding that government fix the vendetta against cyclists immediately or face the consequences of pre-school blood on their hands.

It is the most astonishing sight when they go on the attack and it works, every time.

Now, you might argue that the cycling lobby don’t have the burden of Hollywood history against them. While your local councillor was being terrified by the Toecutter in Mad Max, the most perilous thing with pedals at your local Odeon was ET running close to the treetops.

In the motorcycling corner of these discussions we have the Motorcycle Industry Association (MCIA), the National Motorcyclist’s Council (NMC) and Motorcycle Action Group (MAG). Each has experienced, capable lobbyists who you’d really want on your side and each of them has prevented a whole load of anti-biking legislation being enacted while, sadly making little progress in the pro-biking areas.

Last week’s Government statement was a kick in the teeth for these groups who work bloody hard on our behalf while the cyclists get all the infrastructure and doo-dahs.

So, I have a different suggestion. Rather than keep on trying to get Government to acknowledge the brilliance of motorcycling and the benefits it will bring to a society that clearly thinks the future of personal transport is ever-bigger SUVs with ever taller, flatter grilles that kill and injure an even greater number of children, let’s take biking undercover instead.

Let’s portray motorcycling as transport’s best-kept secret. A series of knowing nods and winks making non-riders feel excluded.

Let’s relish in the jargon and unfathomable language. Instead of justifying the safety, let’s acknowledge that motorcycling is exciting and thrilling and requires skill, which we seek out and enjoy the process of getting to be good at. And that motorcycling is ‘clearly not for everyone – you probably couldn’t handle it…’ etc

At the same time the industry can fund a campaign that shows motorcycles as winners. Adverts on Surrey commuter stations showing a rider sipping coffee in an empty office, feet-up on the desk, looking at his bike in an otherwise empty car park and the message ‘Sorry I’m early, I came by bike’.

Let’s fill social media with pictures of our bikes and our daily commuting time. Or pictures of our bikes parked where we want to instead of half a mile away. A happy rider on the doorstep hugging their kids, saying ‘Half an hour early again, who fancies pizza?’ Or a bike sailing past a stationary queue of engorged SUVs with the caption ‘Don’t worry, we’ll start the meeting without you’

Etc.

Instead of allowing the world to catastrophise their perceptions of riding, let’s play on the fact that biking is the best kept secret in personal transport.

Because if we rely on Government to promote the benefits of biking, we and biking will be dead. Individually we can’t afford a flashy ad campaign, but what we can do is run our own ad campaign on our individual social media channels.

And don’t forget to mention how you made it to middle age with your head still intact and without the need for someone to build you a cycle lane. Because you aren’t a child, can take responsibility for your own safety and understand how a traffic light works.

If the Government and local authorities are determined that motorcycling should be the best-kept secret in personal transport, let’s go out there and shout about it.

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